Will you blow on my dice?
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
