I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
