I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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