He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I lost the right to judge tonight
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
