Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Randomize
