We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
