Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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