I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
