Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
last night I used snow as a chaser
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
