please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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