Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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