apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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