i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
