By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
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