if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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