pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
