I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
FUCK WHALES
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