I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
