I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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