When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
