Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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