I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
