JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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