wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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