ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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