can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
