bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Randomize
