My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
