Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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