just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
