opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
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