best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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