What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
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Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
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I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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