You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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