i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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