Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
