I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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