Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize