you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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