So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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