Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
