I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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