you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
