I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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