A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
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