I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
