it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
