I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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