I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
