she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
