can we get nightvision for the apartment?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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