My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize