I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
