You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
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i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
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Good news my life of crime finally paid off
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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