so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Randomize
