she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
