Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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