but the lizard people decide everything anyway
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
