Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
