i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
why do cheetos always look like penises
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
She bit a glass in half.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
