So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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