we have pet lesbian snakes
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize
