have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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