marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Randomize
