So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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