She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
