I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
