It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I didn't notice because vodka
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
