I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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