Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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