i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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